SCM Press are announcing this morning that they have been chosen as the winning bid for a major new sponsorship deal. The United Kingdom United, the new international football squad launched in a bid to restore a lost sense of national pride across the whole UK, announced the competition to find a sponsor last year. The deal, said to be worth around £300m, will see the SCM Press logo emblazoned on the team kit, and the Olympic Stadium in Stratford will be renamed the SCM Press Stadium. The club will now be known as SCM Press United Kingdom United.
Speaking after the announcement, the Dutch-born manager Rilap von Loof said she was ‘delighted to be working with one of the leading theology publishers in the UK’, and added ‘do you mind if I now get back to restoring the stricken pride of a nation?’
Expecting a backlash for participating in a rival national squad, and sensing a further opportunity to drum up interest in academic theology amongst football fans, SCM Press have confirmed that they will be renaming players after Early Church Fathers to protect their identity. Players have already been instructed to mention SCM Press backlist titles at every opportunity during interviews.
Following their first match away against New Zealand, striker Irenaeus of Lyons commented “we were a little disappointed at the turnout from UK fans. We appreciate it’s a long way to travel, but that’s the cost of discipleship”.
Looking forward to next Sunday when they will play a friendly against the Czech Republic, the 18-year-old super signing Polycarp of Smyrna remarked “They are a formidable squad. We have nicknamed them the ‘Czechs of Terror’”.
SCM Press’s Senior Commissioning Editor, David Shervington admitted ‘I know very little about football, but I gather there are a few people who watch it, and it occurred to me that they might also like books about theology, they just don’t know it yet. We’re hoping to open an outlet at the newly rebranded SCM Press Stadium, which will, for example, give the crowd the exciting opportunity to pick up a copy of an SCM Studyguide to read during the interval, or whatever it’s called.”
SCM Press Marketing Executive Nicola Prince was unavailable for comment, but was reported to be in hiding.